The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
