i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
