Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
