Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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