just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
