when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
