My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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