That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
