Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He passed out mid-signature
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
