Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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