You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
