my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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