The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
