So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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