Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
