you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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