I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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