Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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