I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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