so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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