my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
