My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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