When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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