Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My cat gives me a boner
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
