Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
