We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
