A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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