On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
