The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
