Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The best revenge is premature balding
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
