Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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