Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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