My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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