If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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