I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
