she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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