I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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