Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
