Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Randomize
