Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
