Screwed.edu
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
