Umm I'm too high to move.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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