I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
