It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
