Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
