What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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