I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
