Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
