evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
