Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.�
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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