I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
