Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just want to make out with him forever
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
