He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
