Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
