And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
