My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I need water and some morals
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
