ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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